Lessons and hope from a year of trying to conceive
We assume pregnancy is inevitable—until it’s not
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It’s been a year since my husband and I decided the timing was right to conceive. It’s not happened yet, and I’m not totally freaking out.
Here are some takeaways, reflections, and resources from my first year TTC.
The person you save might be you
When I started herb school and Fertility Awareness training, I didn’t know my training would be so critical for me so soon. I’ve had a lifelong fascination with health and wellness, instilled from a young age by my mother, an alternative healthcare practitioner.
While I’ve always known my work in reproductive health was extremely personal– there’s a lineage of sexual trauma and reproductive cancer in my family, I never expected my knowledge to be so critical during my journey to conceive.
I’m sharing bits and pieces of my story so far, because trouble conceiving is not something to be ashamed of. It’s not because we’re ‘doing something wrong’ or ‘uninformed.’
In order to have more agency when it comes to our reproductive health, we have to share our stories.
I’ll go first.
The inevitability of pregnancy
It's easy to take the inevitability of pregnancy for granted if you're a teen girl who's been told it’s the expected result of any, yes any, lapse in judgement.
As an early 20-something, it's easy to believe pregnancy will be the inevitable result of each and every condom slip. I dutifully swallow Plan B each time (only 2, for the record).
It's easy to believe pregnancy will be inevitable in your 30s, when you've spent the last two decades vigilantly guarding against it.
Plus, you're far from average. You grew up with a Holistic Health Care Practitioner for a mom. You ate organic and local way before it was trendy. You make many of your own body care products. You’ve meditated and practiced yoga for over a decade. You barely ever get sick. And, this is part of your profession. You understand the intricacies of timing conception. This is no guessing game.
I create an Excel document of my year. We’ll conceive in February, baby will be here by November, likely.
This, is of course, when I still think I have a say.
The conditions for conception
Overall, the chance of conceiving in any given cycle is ~20-25 percent if there aren’t fertility issues present.
Conception requires more than just sperm and egg. To just brush the surface, it requires:
–Intercourse timed to the fertile window (egg survives up to 24 hours, sperm up to 5 days in fertile mucus)
–A hospitable environment for sperm–including vaginal microbiome and supportive cervical mucus
–A healthy corpus luteum to produce progesterone, necessary for uterine lining and implantation
–Functioning and open fallopian tubes to sweep up and transport the egg
–Successful fertilization
–An endometrium hospitable to implantation
–A sufficient luteal phase, to allow for implantation before menstruation
We are commonly told to try a year if we’re under 35, and seek medical attention at 6 months if we’re older. I’m 36. TTC maths tells us conceiving within 6 months is probable if our fertility and our partner’s is intact.
Photo: me, August 2025 Nice, France. Very much not pregnant.
4. Whirlwind
Summer is a whirlwind. I have work travel in June, time with family and friends on the East Coast in July, and a trip to France with your husband in August.
Everything we booked is refundable, just in case. The case hasn’t happened.
Maybe our babe wants to be conceived in France, we muse.
I get my period before we leave.
Back at home, I take stock.
When I’d seen my provider in January, she’d sent me home with instructions for a cleanse I didn’t do and the suggestion to try for at least 6 months. We did.
I feel like a big part of me has been in denial. My luteal phase is shorter than ideal. My cervical fluid is scanty. My symptoms are consistent with low levels of progesterone levels, and a less-than-ideal surge in estrogen. Sure, women have conceived under less than ideal circumstances. And yet, based on my continuing training, I know there is more to this picture.
I begin a self-prescribed herbal regimen to address my short luteal phase.
Testing
Somewhere between the Eiffel Tower and a Denver wedding, my husband jerks-off into a biomedical bag, which he seals and mails off to an out of state lab.
He called around and there was nowhere to get a semen analysis locally in Missoula, Montana. All inquiries lead to this mail-in option.
We’re at my friends day-after wedding gathering. A brewery music festival in Golden, CO. We wander away from the noise and into a small park below.
Are your results in? I ask.
He checks his email. They are.
I’ve asked him to do this sperm test first. Before I start testing, I want to know what sperm we’re working with. This is typical protocol.
He clicks from the email and logs into the portal. He has 216 million motile, or swimming sperm. The other parameters are normal or above too.
We both breathe a huge sigh of relief.
Ok. This is just a matter of time, we tell ourselves.
Everything is fine.
I’m at a conference in Portland. I’m expecting my period any moment. We missed the window this month. Last month was the same.
We’ve started couples therapy, though already identified we’ll need a different therapist.
My period comes two days later than expected. I move my lab appointment, which needs to be on day 3 of my cycle.
I call my husband in excitement. It’s working! My luteal phase is finally lengthening.
The delayed blood is a small victory.
At the lab, they don’t have an order from my provider, despite my reminders to her. It’s Saturday, there’s no getting through to her. After 10 minutes of frustration, I realize I can put the order in myself. I take my time, selecting all the tests I want and are appropriate for day 3.
I leave shaken but triumphant.
Within a couple days I have all my labs–I’d taken day mid-luteal phase labs at the tail-end of last cycle.
Nothing is out of range, and there’s only so much you can infer from blood tests anyway.
Everything is fine.
December and January
We carry on.
I’m feeling a real difference in my cycle now.
The luteal phase is longer with little or no spotting before bleeding. A good sign.
My breasts are no longer painfully sore before my period. Another good sign, indicative of higher levels of progesterone, which is needed to sustain a pregnancy.
In January I begin taking supplements to support cervical mucus, which remains scanty.
February
I accompany a friend to a consultation about her endometriosis.
Provider - you should go with procedure A. B will provide only limited info and C will provide similar info as B, but is more taxing on your body (painful and includes radiation).
On Tuesday I go to my own appointment at a different clinic down the hall.
My provider recommends C.
It’s the only option with proven therapeutic benefits, she assures me.
What about A? I ask.
She’s never heard of it, but consults her colleague.
I go home, and after a little of my own research, choose A. I’m grateful for the serendipity of my friend’s appointment.
A is a hysterosalpingo-contrast sonography (HyCoSy)
B is a pelvic sonogram
C is a hysterosalpinography (HSG)
Naked from the waist down, I’m equally nervous, uncomfortable, and fascinated as first a speculum and then a catheter are inserted into me. I turn my head to watch the sonographer’s screen.
Your endometrium looks healthy!
Your left follicle is already dominant. You’ll be ovulating soon!
She confirms fluid in the pelvic cavity on both sides. This means my tubes are open, not blocked.
Everything is fine!
I pull on my clothes relieved, yet with no answers.
A story in progress
I want my baby now.
And, this has been fascinating, humbling, and enlightening.
I’m constantly thinking what if I wasn’t trained in this!? What if I didn’t know I could advocate for myself? What if I only did the things providers recommended?
I’m not dejected because I don’t feel helpless or hopeless.
Despite being one year in, I still believe in my body’s ability to do this. I still believe in the incremental, daily choices that can improve my hormonal and overall health. I also believe in more-than-meets-the-eye. In spirit. In divine timing.
I’m grateful for the knowledge and options that western medicine provides. It’s good to know IVF is an option, however it’s not the only option or first option.
There is no such thing as unexplained infertility. We just haven’t found the the answer yet.
Onward
While I don’t have my pregnancy bump just yet, I continue to trust in the process. My body is a collection of trillions of cells. It is a world unto itself. It has its own wisdom. It has its own reasons.
This process is asking me to slow down and listen more carefully.
It’s asking me to nourish myself more deeply.
It’s asking me to look at my own patterns.
It’s asking me to focus on my marriage.
It’s asking me to focus on ME.
My baby is not here yet, and she’s already a teacher.
There are no guarantees. And yet, I know that every women before me going back longer than I can trace did this. I wouldn’t be here otherwise. I am not alone. I am one step in a long lineage.
I know that tests can detect nothing wrong. I know that if my body is meant to do this, we will find a way.
Part of the reason I’ve stayed calm through this process is I’ve had support and resources. I’ve never felt like I was standing still. I’ve been learning and growing this entire year, and for that I am grateful because whatever happens I am better than I was.
Here are my favorite so far:
🦠Tiny Health Microbiome test: back in February 2024, I took a microbiome gut and vaginal test. I’m so glad I did. Despite never having any symptoms, I had a high level of Gardenerella vaginalis, associated with bacterial vaginosis. This can interfere with conception, and increases the risk of miscarriage, premature labor and other undesirable outcomes. I immediately began a regimen of vaginal specific probiotics, and vaginal suppositories.
Use my code to get $20 off your test (I don’t get anything for this!) LASVISIONS20. Or if you hurry, there’s a sale for international women’s day that’s through 3/13!
🌸Cycle tracking: Knowing how to read and interpret my cycle has been incredibly empowering during this process. While my providers may say ‘everything is fine,’ my monthly cycle has told a different story. Through careful cycle-tracking I’ve been able to identify irregularities and make changes to support my cycle and hormonal health.
Tracking my cycle has saved time and money, improved testing accuracy, allowed me to assess my cycle health, and determine next steps beyond what my providers could recommend. I teach cycle tracking and have a calendar for free discovery calls here.
☘️Fullscript: Having access to affordable supplements and herbs has been a huge lifesaver. I’ve started the process of listing my favorite supplements, and you can search the catalogue for anything else.
🧘🏻♀️Insight Timer has some wonderful fertility meditations. I’ve barely scratched the surface, but so far enjoyed:
Thanks for reading. I’d be so grateful if you would like, comment, and share this post to help me spread the word.
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References:
Thank you for sharing your journey. I hope what you have shared makes other women feel less alone in this journey towards motherhood.
Here is my quick story. I was on "the pill" progestin only for 7 years. Like you, for so many years I was worried that any slip up and I would get pregnant.
7 years is a long time. No one told me about the issues I could have after I came off the birth control.
Fast forward and after intense depression and cycles that were sometimes anovulatory, we went through the same process. 3 years after thinking I would be pregnant after 3 months. After 3 years of me wondering what was wrong, my husband did the sperm count test- he was fine.
I had been checking my LH for a few months and saw that I was possibly not ovulating sometimes.
I had an ultrasound to check my uterus, ovaries, etc and that is when they told me that I had a follicle forming and I would ovulate that month. I saw the egg.
My husband and I went to the beach.
I came back pregnant.
This is a hopeful story. But I will say that I wish I had known about women's cycle awareness when I got off birth control. I think that I would have had a lot more grace for myself as my body had to figure out how to ovulate again. And having cycle awareness, I would have mothered differently, again, giving myself so much more grace.
I am here for you cheering you on. I hope that you are able to get really cozy to your cycle before pregnancy and you will have an amazing tool through your pregnancy as well.
Thank you for sharing your journey Lily. It can be so frustrating. I remember well waiting for a year to conceive and then miscarrying my first pregnancy. Fertility and pregnancy is such a ride. The faith you have in divine timing, your own body, plus all your training and ability to advocate for yourself is such a gift. Baby is coming. The waiting is a lesson in life in and of itself!